Perception

This post has been postponed a little longer than I wanted due to 2 reasons.

1. My aching back from hiking Gasing Hill. (Hopeless me…)
2. DBSK’s 2nd Asia Tour, Seoul concert

So finally I’m gonna get this post done so that its a “burden” off my chest. LOL..

Anyway, I watched Princess Diaries for the first time last friday. The movie was okay.. But to me, there were two noteworthy points. Not that it was anything spectacular or amazing. Just that, those two moments caught my attention the most because it brought meaning to me in some way.

First was in that letter that Princess Mia’s father, King of Genovia wrote to her. In that letter he said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather, it is where there are more important things than fear..” (Paraphrasing here.. Not too good at remembering exact words)

This phrase reminded me of a small exchange I had with my mum quite some time ago when I was much younger. I’m someone who’s afraid of worms. Earthworms, maggots, caterpillars.. you name it. YUCK.. Those things just plain gross me out. Insects aren’t too bad. But just not worms. Wait, are worms insects? Ahh.. Nevermind..

Anyway, after some observation on my part over some time, I asked mum one day.
“How come you aren’t afraid of any insects or worms? Were you always like that?”
Her reply was,
“When your a mum, you can’t be afraid of such things especially if you’re kids are afraid of them.”

So you see how Mia’s dad’s words rang true to me when I thought of what mum said. There were more important things to my mum, i.e me, than the fear of creepy crawlies. A rather simple and small example. Perhaps not so significant to others, but significant enough to me as it reminds me of my parents and their love.

The other moment in the movie was when they played BSB’s What Makes You Different. Its one of my favourite songs of BSB simply because of its lyrics. I don’t care if anyone thinks its cheesy. I’m just gonna post the lyrics for fun. (and for record..meaningful things should always be said, recorded and remembered)

Backstreet Boys – What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)

You don’t run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don’t play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That set you apart
Baby that’s why you capture my heartI know sometimes you feel
Like you don’t fit in
And this world doesn’t know
What you have within
When I look at you
I see something rare
A rose can grow anywhere
And there is no one I know that can compare

I’m reminded again today that sometimes, it really is hard to tell the truth and speak what you really feel, even when it is a loved one. Perhaps, ESPECIALLY if its a loved one. But to just hold it within yourself, is perhaps really torturous on emotions and small things get blown out of proportions.

Yikes.. my blog isn’t supposed to turn into a “Black Blog” as Sher-Li calls it. Haha.. Maybe sometimes things can’t always be white..

Before I get shot down by the thousands and maybe millions of Rain fans. Let me make this clear. THIS IS NOT AIMED AT MAKING FUN OF YOUR IDOL IN ANY WAY! Its just a play of words with the current crisis that Malaysia, or more accurately, Johor, is experiencing now.

Every day, everywhere I go, I see the words “Rain’s Coming” on posters and advertisements that also comes with a generous display of his washboard abs and biceps. I switch on the TV, Rain. I flip open the newspapers, Rain (more than a page, mind you). I go to shopping malls, Rain.

 With all the Rain coming, I was just wondering how could the floods in Johor possibly subside. I must say the timing of this tour is pretty coincidental huh? Maybe some argue that Rain isn’t going to Johor or something like that. Haha.. You have a point I will agree. But just some food for thought lah.. Hope no offence was taken.

In light of the heavy promotional activities for his upcoming concert on the 27th January, Bukit Jalil Stadium, I shall contribute a little by posting a banner too!

An article in the paper recently featured a guy who had given up his career in chemical engineering to pursue his passion for tap dance. The article provoked me to think about my love of dance which I gave up to further education.

At the end of secondary school, I was clueless as to where to proceed. My first love had always been dance and performing. But its not a path that people perceive as normal. Naturally, a preferrable path would be to get a good education and land yourself a stable job. This path seemed more real for me too at that time. College however meant no time for dance practice. So it was one or the other.

Being not very keen on teaching dance, but more towards performing, I chose the more realistic option of going to college. Inevitably though, there will always be the “what if”s and secretly harboured hopes of returning to dance. Especially when such articles pop up.

I truly admire the guy’s guts to pursue his dreams and passions. Now, if only I had half his guts…where would I be?

Was pretty amused when I read in the papers today that besides Friendster, there’s also Dogster for dog lovers, Catster for cat lovers, and even Hamster-ster for hamster and gerbil lovers. Apparently, these sites have been around for quite a while. Guess I’m not that updated when it comes to happenings of the Cyberworld.

These sites do make me wonder what will come up next. I’m pretty sure I know which -ster i belong in besides Friendster. Being a lover of naps, it has gotta be Napster! Yup yup. My most favourite one of all. Maybe Eatster will come a close second.

I don’t know what inspires me to type these lame stuff down this late at night when I have to be up before 6am tomorrow. Boredom reaching its brink perhaps? Lame-ster member more likely..*nods*

I have newborn cousin! His name is Min Dao. He was named after an actor who’s screen name is Ming Dao. Little Min Dao just blows me away. I simply can’t imagine how we were all once so fragile, feeble and oh so tiny. Just look at him. Unbelievable. I guess this is why parents just love their kids to bits. How precious a child is. There’s like an overwhelming feeling to shelter and protect.

My brother lost his handphone today. The phone he lost was one passed down to him by me. My dearly beloved ex-handphone. When I passed him the phone I told him,

“This is a good phone. Please take good care of it.”

Though it was just a normal non-coloured screen, non-camera, non-all those techy functions kinda phone, I thought the functions were pretty good for a phone of its kind. It had a built-in radio, loudspeaker function, polyphonic tunes, and it was slim and light. Its a pretty nice phone to use I guess, if photography isn’t your hobby.

Not too long ago I found out from my aunt that my dear brother had dropped the phone and wrecked it pretty badly that it couldnt be used. She repaired it for him without letting us know what had happened at that time. I have always wondered where that big dent on the screen came from. I think my heart hurt more than his upon hearing that story.

Anyway, enough of history and back to the present. He spent the whole day hunting for his phone. No sign of it. Usually when he can’t find it, he’ll ask me to give it a call. This time, it was low on battery. So when we tried calling the phone, all we heard was,

“Sorry, please try again.”

I ransacked his room and my car. Finally I found it under the cushions of the couch. *sigh* (relief) But he wasn’t there when I found it. I remember also him telling me that he had searched the couch. Guess not quite thorough enough.

I decided that I would just keep the phone for a day or so to teach him a lesson. Give him some time to reflect on his carelessness. I hope that he will learn two things from this. One, to be responsible with his things and secondly, not to take half-hearted approach on doing everything.

As I type this, I’m wondering if I’m being too strict and mean. I’m just the sis. Who am I to play disciplinarian? Am I doing the right thing? It felt most rational at that point. Since I’ve told my parents about it, guess I sorta have their approval. *shrug*

In the last episode of Criminal Minds, Gideon told Reid,

“Not knowing what you feel is different from not feeling anything.”

Formerly, the phrase “I dunno la..” was a favourite answer of mine. I used it when I didnt know what to answer, didn’t feel like answering because either I’m lazy to explain or felt uncomfortable truthfully answering. It was also used as a form of expressing confusion, irritance, etc. Yeah.. It was a very popular word in my vocabulary.

Only recently that I decided that I wanted to kick this habit of using the word. More often than not, I felt like I was taking the easy way out to answering questions. If I’m really faced with an issue, it was only too easy to dismiss it with an “I dunno…” It usually stops further questioning and I could avoid the matter. But as I soon realised, it not only did not help me in solving the problem, it also did not help others understand my feelings or views, to offer any help or insight in the matter.

With that in mind, I tried to think really carefully before answering. Sure, it brought a lot of headache. But once it was all said, it did sorta feel better. Yet again, I’m beginning to wonder its benefits. Are some things better left unsaid? Sometimes, not everyone receives your views well. I might have offended someone and not know it.

Apart from that, going back to the quote at the beginning, I realise that it’s okay to not know how you feel. Feelings aren’t exactly easily described and they’re sometimes pretty private and personal matters. Its possible to be unable to understand one’s own feelings as they can sometimes be so mixed and messed up. Perhaps you could say it is a conflict of wills. But to remain in that jumbled up state isn’t a good idea either.

Although the quote was giving a totally different message, it just brought me to realisation in a different aspect of it. I have a feeling now that, I don’t necessarily have to know the answer right away. It’s okay to take sometime to think about it. And that somethimes, a frank answer thought up based on feelings at that moment in time, is not necessarily the most accurate answer nor will it be the most rational and desirable answer. Maybe next time, instead of answering “I dunno..”, I’ll just say, “Can I have some time to think about that answer?”. I hope no one will be thinking that I’m disgusing an “I dunno..” answer. (*grins* )

“Can I ask you a question?”

Have you been asked such a question before? I think most of us have been asked and have asked this question or something along its lines in the past. But it only hit me just recently, how ridiculous this question is. I mean, how do you really answer such a question? Its almost an oxymoron, if you think of it. Aren’t you already asking a question anyway?

Another thing about it is… Can I say no to this question? It seems weird to give such an answer somehow. But sometimes, its purely how I feel like answering. How should I know the answer that question if I dont know what question that is to follow? (I’m also thinking that I’m confusing the reader here. But…nevermind..)

It strikes me ironic how you need permission to ask a question. Unless I’m some psychic who can predict the question that follows, I don’t see the purpose of asking. A matter of courtesy? I’m not quite convinced. Perhaps one could say that the question that follows might be an awkward question and by asking for permission before hand, you sort of prepare the person for it. Hmm…Arguably, that would be a more accurate reason perhaps?

Would you wanna be prepared for the question? Or rather, can you really prepare yourself for the question? I dunno… But I guess it does sound pretty polite. And… less interrogative…. Maybe…

What? Not this again… (at least that’s what I think is running through your mind now as you see the title) Yup.. This is certainly not a novel issue. For as long back as my feeble mind can remember, the war of the genders has ALWAYS been an issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not referring to WWI & WWII type wars. Its the “Who’s better than who?” wars.

Sometimes if you stop to think, you will find that these comparisons are just plain silly. Males and females were made to be different. Does every difference in this world warrant a competition? Heck, even in sports you have categories like feather-weight, light-weight, under-21, under-18 etc. Its ironic that we can create such categories to promote a somewhat “equality” in competition yet we still compare amongst genders in this not so privately waged war. Here, both genders could not have been more different from each other, aside from the fact that we’re both homo sapiens.

A recent example of an incident to my friend amused me somewhat. He had been trying to apply for a part time job for the holidays but has been unsuccessful so far. (Here, I wish him all the best and pray hard that he’ll get a job before the hols are over. Haha..) Anyway, he was complaining that he couldn’t even get a simple job of an office clerk. The company he called told him, “Erm, sorry ah..tapi kita nak girl.” I burst out laughing. (sorry..) My friend then openly declared that he hated the dicrimination. Haha…What a change in scenario.. Amusing don’t you think?

Maybe the situation isn’t exactly reversed. It’s as if simple jobs are the stereotype for the female class. Yet to say that this isn’t discrimination against the males, would also not be so accurate. Logically, I highly doubt that much males would be content with the job of an office clerk. So my reasoning is that they were looking for a permanent staff. If a guy were to be applying for this job, chances are that he’s only gonna be doing this temporarily. So in order to filter out these temporary job hunters, they add in the criteria = female.

Sure, many women of this era have chosen more “challenging” careers than being a mere office clerk. I have to salute these courageous women for knowing what they want, without fearing the male dominant corporate world out there. However, there will always be the docile ones who stick to their “role” as a homemaker and doting mothers. Shall we call such girls the ideals of men?

An article in the papers pointed out that girls of the current generation are more apt to fall back into the traditional role as mentioned above. Most are no longer those career driven power hungry women, currently in the corporate world. To what extent is this true? My answer? Maybe.. (This, coming from a girl of the current generation.)

Ask parents nowadays as to which they prefer. A son or a daughter? The former was once highly preferred as he would carry the family name. Recently a lecturer of mine anounced to the class that daughters are better. (Well, announce is a strong word, but..erm…something along those lines la. Hehe..) He felt that sons leave the family once they’ve found their wings, whilst daughters will stay back to care for the aging parents. The idea is that name would be nothing if their son couldn’t even be bothered about caring for his parents. At that age and time perhaps, all a parent would use to gauge how successful they have been as a parent is when the apple of their eyes are filial. Monetary success could not possibly be of paramount in importance. Do you remember the advertisement where a group of old women were boasting about how successful each other’s son was? In the end, when the less successful son of one of the women came to spend time with her, the others could only look on in envy.

At the end of the day, its values instilled that matter the most whether male or female. There will be no end to the debate on “who’s better?”. I stress again, rather than compare, why not co-exist? Isn’t that what we were created for in the first place and what we’ve been doing all this while? Sure, there are MCPs (male chauvinist pigs) aplenty, but lets not also turn a blind eye towards the honourable gentlemen. Everything is about balance. If everyone were good, I guess the world would be a tad bit boring. Before lamenting on what you lack, look first to what you have. It may not be the best, but as long as it serves its purpose, we make do and carry on with life.

p/s: A little competition once in a while does spice things up nevertheless!

A recent comment by a friend on the World Cup referees this year spurred this flow of thought in me. He claimed that this year’s referees were becoming girls. Apparently they are issuing coloured cards aplenty, a little too much in fact (this I agree wholeheartedly..but that’s not the point). Thing is, he felt that the issuing of these cards refers to an act more prone to the female gender due to our temperament.

Naturally the girl in me felt it a little, with such a remark being thrown. But NO… I didn’t flash any coloured card whatsoever at him. Hehe… I wasn’t gonna argue with him either and have him prove his point too.. Nah… I’m not falling into such traps. This led him to conclude that I would make a much better referee because of my better-ness in temperament.

Well, won’t argue with that either. But this whole thing got me thinking. Are we girls really that temperamental? (I’m thinking if any guys are reading this, they’d be nodding their heads profusely right at this point) Even if we are, is this necessarily a negative implication or rather is it more of an advantage to us?

I, for one, try as hard as I can not to let feelings get the better of me and control my temper. Futile efforts, but I still try. Honestly, I do see it as a weakness. Perhaps again, this is what we have been led to believe by the male dominants of society. Haha.. (NO! Go Away! *shuts out jurisprudence*) Guys have always felt that we girls use our tears as a weapon. This is once again, another misconception of theirs. At least from MY point of view.

ME? I HATE to cry in an argument. Why, you may ask. Well, for one, if I start crying, I can’t argue anymore, and believe me I have a lot more to say about it than just sob. Secondly, it signals a surrender. A wave of the white flag. That is just the wrong attitude in anything! We must never give up no matter what! Haha…

So yeah, perhaps being temperamental are in a sense girl traits. Though many feel that we should embrace our “qualities”, I’m of the stand that we should fight with heavy artillery against what we think is our weakness. Erm, the best defence is a good offence?

Girl class referees? Sounds a little to me like World Class referees. Go figure!